I miss you
by Chipii
Summary: Do you know what you have before you've lost it? What is the edge of insanity? Can Yao ever get his brother back? Based on "Jag saknar dig"
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, guess what? I got Rawkie to beta this (2000+ chapter long) story~!**

**It's based on "Jag saknar dig", a Swedish drama. it's really sad and touching. So please enjoy~!**

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><p><em>"Once upon a time, there were two twins. Yao and Kiku. They were turning 15 soon, but one of them didn't. Kiku died before his birthday."<em>

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><p><strong>I miss you<strong>

**Chapter 1**

"They're one egg-twins. Not even the dog can see difference." Thai said, laughing softly and looked at his sons, Yao and Kiku. Their grandma, Lien, laughed and looked at the two dancing twins. "They have the same genes that decides their smell."

Viet walked out of the kitchen and came back with a golden frame; she held it between the two twins. The twins held their hands up against each other and moved them up and down at the same time, and then they cupped their head in their hands and spinned around. It was Yao and Kiku's own dance; they used to call it the 'Twin dance'.

Lien's laugh got louder as she saw the twins dance, she clapped her hands and turned to Thai, who looked at it amusingly. Viet pulled the frame away and hugged her sons tightly.

The microwave began to make sounds and Yao pulled the food out.

"They had to microwave so it'd go faster." Viet explained and sat herself down again. Lien's smile faded as soon as she saw something that looked like yesterday's leftover coming out of the microwave. Lien was a harsh woman, she could hit Thai when he was younger, and now she's like a head of the family. The oldest.

"You're going to serve food from the left side, darling." Lien said to Yao, who just sighed and rolled his eyes. He walked to the other side of the table and served the food.

"By the way, why did you cut your hair? It was sure on time, you began to look like a woman." Lien said, taking some food to her plate. Well, it was true. Yao had hair down to his shoulders before, but when he cut it, he began to look more like Kiku and now almost no one could see difference between them. The only difference some people could see were Yao's eyes, they were more golden then the rest of the family. And Yao's smile was wider than his twin brother's.

"If it's about your sexuality, then you should know there's nothing to be ashamed of." That hit Yao. Every since Yao said he was bisexual, everyone got it as gay. Kiku was bi too, but he was like the favorite child, so he didn't get any blame.

"I'm bi, grandma." Yao said, biting his lip before the 'aru' came out. Kiku knew were this was going; he stayed silent and served the salad.

"Child, you know that you can't copy your brother like that."

"I'm not, aru! Shut up, old hag and leave my brother out of this!" Everyone turned to Yao who glared angrily at Lien. Thai began to frown slightly.

"I have neve-"

"Shut up, aru! Shut up shut up shut up shut up!" Yao began to raise his voice, louder and louder. Then the silence came, he ran up to his room, followed by Kiku.

"That's it. . ." Thai rose from his seat and followed the twins.

When Yao got up to his room, the tears were almost there. He turned around to see if Kiku would come and hug him, but instead a slap from his dad.

Yao stared wide eyed at Thai. The golden eyed began to get blurry. Thai glared at Yao, ready to scold him like never before. But the son's tearful shocked face stopped him. Thai gave up and walked down again. Kiku had watched all of it, looking almost comforting at his brother. Kiku walked towards Yao and hugged him tightly. That's when Yao gave up, the tears streamed out from his eyes and sobs stopped his breath several times.

"Shh shh. . .It's okay." Kiku said comforting, snuggling his head into Yao's shoulder.

"T-they suck. . .I hate t-them, aru. . ." Yao said between sobs and sniffs. Kiku patted his brother's back softly.

"It's okay now, Nee-san. . ."

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><p>Yao sighed loudly and pulled his math books out of the locker. He seriously needed to smoke. . .But he lost his cigarettes at home, and he promised Kiku that he'd stop. The teen took a glance to the side, were a group of (handsome) guys walked by. Yao's eyes were stuck at this one guy. . .Francis Bonnefoy. One of the most popular guys in the school. He was famous for his looks and charm.<p>

But then again, he didn't know Yao existed. . .Or wait, was Francis looking at him right now? No, he's not. . .Or yes, he is. And he's smiling too. That smile. . .

Yao was lost in his thoughts and Francis' blue eyes, so he forgot everything that was going on.

"-ao. . .Yao!" Yao slowly turned around to see Felikz giving him a frown and a pout. "Dude, I was like, totally talking to you and you like, totally ignored me!"

"Ehh. . .Sorry, aru. . ." Yao looked back at Francis, who still was looking at Yao. A blush was almost covering all of Yao's face when he saw that the smile on Francis' lips had turned into a smirk.

"Yao, we gotta go to class." Felikz pouted more. He sighed and dragged Yao all the way to math class eventually.

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><p>"You don't understand! He's so cute, aru. . ." Yao whispered, looking seriously at Felikz.<p>

"Nu uh! He's gross like hell!" Felikz stuck out his tongue and made a grimace, which made Yao laugh a bit. They walked towards a brown haired girl with a braid.

"Mona! You've dated Francis before! What's he like, aru?" Yao asked, looking wide eyed at Mona.

"He's a pig." Mona said simply, not looking them in the eyes.

"There you like, got it! Come on, we gotta like, go to class!" Felikz said. Yao sighed and followed.

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><p>"There, and now. . .Lily you can stand there." Kiku pointed at a spot for the girl to stand on, she nodded and stood there.<p>

"Okay then. . .Let's start, shall we, Ivan?" Kiku smiled softly at the Russian, who blushed a bit.

"Sure, da. . ." Ivan took a few steps away from Kiku. He then walked towards Kiku and looked angry at him. "You don't decide over me! I'm free and can live as I want!"

Kiku stared wide eyed at Ivan, after a few seconds he looked at the other side.

"Yao, it's your turn!" Kiku said, Yao looked into the dead space, no wait. At a random man that looked at the practice.

"I think I'm in love, aru. . ." Yao said. Kiku sighed and walked towards his brother.

"No you don't! Now come on, we gotta finish the practice!" Kiku said. Yao nodded slowly. It took some time to get Yao's eyes from the man, but then they redid the play.

"Okay, let's try again." So then, Ivan did his part again, and then Yao got his turn, which came to Kiku who made a little wrong at the end of the sentence, but made it through.

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><p>Kiku walked out of the buss and ran towards a house; he knocked the door and got greeted by an old school friend, Yong Soo.<p>

"Hey, Kiku! Are you here to meet the gang?" Yong Soo smirked widely, Kiku nodded and smiled softly.

Yong Soo led the younger to the band, also called 'HetaRock'. Kiku wanted someone to play music for the play. And since it was a play for starving children in Africa, he needed a band that was playing something at that genre. And he also enjoyed the music from HetaRock a lot, but that's another story.

When Kiku heard a guitar playing, he felt his heart skip a beat. Yong Soo were close friends to the lead singer, Arthur, and they actually also lived together. And since Kiku and Yong Soo knew each other so well, it was just better.

"Yo, guys! Kiku's here." Yong Soo said. The manager of the band frowned.

"You're disturbing, Yong Soo." the manager said coldly. The Korean ignored the man totally.

"Hey, Artie! Here's Kiku!" Yong Soo said, waving his arms. Arthur looked blankly at them. Kiku felt his heart skip a beat. The lead singer of the band was so. . . Blond hair and olive green eyes. Wait, what Kiku is blushing?

"I-I'm here for-" Kiku began, but soon got cut off.

"Yeah yeah, we don't have time right now. Soon they'll maybe go for their very first world tour and they're practicing. Maybe some other day, 'kay?" the manager said, waving Kiku away.

"But. . ."

"It's nice to come and visit, maybe another time."

"It's to the starving children in Africa! There's other a hundred of them dying right now!" Kiku burst out. Arthur looked confused at both of them. Kiku walked towards the microphone to the other room and opened his mouth.

"Please, play music for the play! It's for children that had no home and if they're lucky they find rotten food on the dirty ground! There's children dying every day! If you play music to our play, we'll get more money and we'll save more child-"

"Yeah, that's enough, out!" the manager had to kick Kiku out. Arthur looked at the Japanese-Chinese until there was nothing to look at.

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><p>"Hey, Yao!" the smell of alcohol and sweat was so disgusting. Well, that's what Kiku would say. Yao always thought it was comfortable. He walked past a few people he knew, trying to find Francis.<p>

A few laughs and loud music gave Yao a headache, but he was used to it. All the way to the kitchen, he saw Francis. But, who was that? Michelle was making out with his Francis? Yao's smile died out when he saw it. The Chinese-Japanese walked the other way and out of the house.

Yao took the bus home, limping since someone decided to slap him on the knee. He walked into the yard and up the stairs to his room. Or rather, his and Kiku's room. Since they were so close they shared room and were satisfied. Yao knocked the window, waiting for Kiku to wake up and open.

"Are you back already?" Kiku asked.

"Shut up. . ." Yao mumbled, climbing inside the room without caring.

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><p>Another day went on slowly. Yao was by the popular people, getting new crushes each second.<p>

Kiku on the other hand, was kinda lonely. He didn't have many friends, nor admirers. Or at least he thought he didn't have any.

Kiku took his plate of food and walked towards Yao and some of his friends, but the last seat was taken by Mona. Kiku sighed, and sat on the table next to them.

The guys at the other end of the table were looking at Kiku and whispered some things, Kiku tried to ignore it.

"Hey Kiku! How does it feel to be the ugliest person in school? When you have such a sexy brother and you can't even think about a new haircut?" One of the guys said. The two other guys laughed.

"Yeah, it's almost unbelievable that you're family. How does it feel to be on the top of ugliest person in the school?" Another guy said. The group rose from their seats and walked away; one of them 'accidently' hit Kiku in the head, making the teen surprised.

"Hey!" Kiku looked up; the guys looked teasingly at Kiku. But before they knew it, Yao arrived.

"Are you just three against one, aru? Ooh hell! I warn you, because now we're two, aru!" Yao stormed in and stood next to Kiku protectively. Kiku looked up at his brother with a hint of happiness. At least someone would stand up for him. . .

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><p>"Okay then, let's try again." Kiku said, clapping his hands together. Kiku took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Arthur, the lead singer of HetaRock, walked in to the room, quietly sitting on a chair close to the scene.<p>

"Help me!" Kiku screamed, out of a good faked fear. The theatre group just turned around like nothing happened. Kiku smiled and clapped his hands.

"Really good! Now remember, if you keep the cold expressions on they'll feel sad and think it's a lot better!" Kiku said cheerfully. The theatre group agreed and took a break. Ivan, the Russian teen who had been mistaken a lot through the years, walked towards Kiku, blushing slightly.

"Hey, Kiku." Ivan said, swallowing his fear. Kiku turned to the Russian. "I-I was thinking. . .You're a great person and. . .Da. . .Uh, if you wanted to go on a –"

"Hey, Kiku, right?" Arthur walked up on the stage, smirking down at the Chinese-Japanese. Kiku nodded. Arthur handed him a CD which said 'Turn the tide'.

"A-Already done?" Kiku looked at the CD, almost glowing of happiness. Arthur nodded. Forgotten in a corner, Ivan looked at the two with blank violet eyes.

"Sorry, Ivan. Maybe some other time." Kiku said, turning back to Ivan. Ivan nodded painfully and walked away. Kiku hugged Arthur tightly and then played the CD.

It began with a piano. Then Arthur's voice, which was almost whispering softly into the microphone. Then the drums began, and Arthur's voice got louder. Kiku's thoughts were stuck in the song. It was so wonderful, so beautiful. Kiku's heart skipped a beat every time Arthur's voice began to get louder.

Kiku turned back to Arthur and hugged him tightly again.

"Thanks a lot. It means so much. . ." Kiku said softly. Arthur nodded, feeling some sort of warmth coming from Kiku.

The rest of the theatre group watched it all. They couldn't believe their eyes. Kiku rejected Ivan just like that and then began to be all lovey-dovey to Arthur?

"Kiku, we gotta finish the practice." Elizabeta said. Kiku mumbled something, still hugging the British man while listening to the music.

"Kiku!" Elizabeta put her hands on her hips and frowned. In the end she gave up, took her bags and walked away. Soon, the rest of the theatre group walked after. Even Yao.

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><p><strong>Do you think it's long? The movie was 2 hours. So there's a lot more.<strong>

**Hehehe /feels evil**


	2. Chapter 2

**it's been some time, eh? Well, Rawkie has been really busy. . . I (for some reason) can't blame her.**

**Anyway, enjoy~!**

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><p><strong>I miss you<strong>

**Chapter 2**

Yao sighed loudly. His fingers hurt and his ears hurt. Why did he play the violin anyway? Everyone knew he didn't work for that! Lucky Kiku who got the flute. . . Yao took the instrument up to his neck and tried again.

"Hey, Nee-san." Kiku said, walking into their room and sat on his bed. Yao just mumbled something under his breath. Kiku took up a paper and a pen and began to draw.

"Hey, Nee-san." Kiku said again, making Yao stop playing like a deaf person and looked over at his younger brother. Kiku held up a drawing a poorly colored red heart with an arrow.

"Who's going to be in your heart today?" Kiku asked teasingly, smirking. Yao frowned and laid the violin on a chair next to his bed and jumped down to the bed.

"You're such a friggin' child, aru. So immature." Yao mumbled, glaring over at Kiku, who just sat on his bed on the other side of the room and smirked.

"By the way, we're invited to a concert from Yong Soo." Kiku said. Yao looked up at his brother.

"You mean that one Yong Soo that mistook me for a girl and kissed me, aru?" Kiku nodded. Yao groaned loudly and hit his head on the wall.

"What band is it, aru?" Yao asked without moving.

"HetaRock." Kiku replied simply.

"It's such a faggy name, y'know. I wonder why they didn't take 'The Black Parade' since it's all just goth, aru." Yao said. Kiku threw a pillow at Yao, who blocked and began to laugh.

"Be nice! They even wrote a song for our play!" Kiku pouted. After 14 years of practice, Yao still couldn't stop feeling guilty when Kiku pouted and used his puppy eyes?

"You're so immature, aru." Yao laid down and pulled a pillow over his head.

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><p>So, after a few 'normal' days of boring school, loud chatting with friends and practicing, Kiku got to the day he waited for. He ran to his locker, took his bags and ran out of the school. Yao was of course following, but in a slow pace. Outside the school, Yong Soo was waiting inside his new car. Kiku took the back seat and Yao conquered the front seat. Translation; He was laid back in a comfortable place with his feet on stuff where they shouldn't be. But Yong Soo didn't seem to mind. Actually, he seemed to enjoy it. Well, Kiku knew that Yong Soo had a thing for Yao, but right now he was just being rude. . .<p>

Kiku sighed in defeat and looked out of the window. He was so excited. And Arthur would for sure sing 'Any love left'. It was his favorite song. The thought of Arthur maybe, just maybe, looking at him made him smile.

"Kiku, you're blushing, aru." Yao said without looking at his younger brother. Kiku got pushed off his thoughts and hid his cheeks.

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><p>The air was dry and hot. But chills always ran down Kiku's spine when Arthur's voice echoed in the room. Everyone around him were screaming, dancing and singing along. Yao seemed to dig the music, who was already dancing around with Yong Soo. Kiku just stared into Arthur's green eyes, lost in his thoughts. The music was the only thing he heard. But as soon as the band began to stop singing, Kiku got back to the planet.<p>

"And now we'll sing a song called. . ." Arthur took a glance over at Kiku, looking in his eyes for a good moment, "Turn the Tide."

Of course, no one except Kiku heard the song so it was special. Kiku could his heart skip a beat. Without the music, Arthur started to sing.

"Are you frightened?'Cause I'm frightened. Earth's a shambles and we're just making it worse." Arthur began, almost like a whisper to the microphone. He continued singing after a deep breath. Kiku stood there, speechless. His eyes were wide and almost dry after 3 minutes of staring at Arthur. Was the song for him? No way, it couldn't be. But still. . .

Kiku found himself staring into the wind when the concert was over. His eyes hurt from looking and Yao eventually had to help him on his feet.

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><p>"Thanks for the ride, aru!" Yao said, turning to Yong Soo and waved a hand. Yong Soo drove back to his own home, leaving Yao and Kiku at their yard.<p>

"He likes you." Kiku said. Yao shook his head.

"Nu hu, aru. I'm sure he likes you more." Yao said, turning back at his brother. Kiku sighed in defeat, but wanting to fight back. "You're so lucky."

Kiku turned to Yao, a bit confused.

"You can get everyone you want, aru. Since you're the favorite." Yao said, looking down at the ground. Kiku began to frown a bit.

"What favorite? I'm just as favorite as you, Mr. Popular!" And there the line got crossed. . .Yao and Kiku began to bicker about who was the favorite child. The eventually they pushed each other. Mature enough, Yao slapped Kiku. Kiku slapped back. Yao's eyes widened, he glared at Kiku with piercing eyes.

"That's it, aru. . ." Kiku made a shield of his own arms and covered his head, be backed away when Yao began to hit. But without knowing what was behind, he tripped and fell on a board with spikes turning up. The spiked were once a few centimeters away from his head. Yao began to regret what he did and looked wide eyed at Kiku.

Their father who seemed to have seen everything, ran out of the house and slapped Yao across the cheek. Strong enough to almost make Yao fall. Thai slowly pulled a hand under Kiku's head to see if it bleed, but lucky, his head was unharmed. No spikes. Kiku opened his eyes slowly, looking at Thai lazily.

Thai sighed in relief and carried Kiku in his arms to his room.

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><p>There was a silence that seemed to own the room. The white walls were in a yellow tone because of the light. And the pillows, oddly enough, seemed to be a lot more uncomfortable to Yao. Kiku sat in his corner on his bed and looked out to nowhere, so did Yao.<p>

"I'm sorry, aru." Yao mumbled, looking down at his lap. Kiku turned to Yao slowly.

"It's okay." he said, looking back into nothing.

"You really are a favorite, aru. . ." Yao sighed. Kiku just 'hmm'ed and closed his eyes. He was too tired to do anything, so he ignored the homework and began to sleep.

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><p>The next day, everything went as normal. Since it was Saturday, Yao and Kiku needed to practice. Not on the play though.<p>

Broken sounds of a violin was heard from the kitchen. Yao frowned, his fingers hurt and his ears did too. Viet just smiled as she was cooking. Kiku, was running his fingertips slowly on the flute and played a smooth melody, making the violin playing seem a little less bad. Thai was working, but that didn't stop Yao from breaking his fingers. He hated the violin. His grandmother was such a bitch. . .

"Yao, calm down, it'll be easier that way." Kiku said, putting the flute from his mouth. Yao did as he was told and held the violin a bit looser. But he knew he just needed to let go of his stress. . .

"It's just been a long time since I've played, aru." Yao said, putting the violin down from his hurting shoulder. Kiku smiled and laid the flute on the dining table. Their golden retriever, Panda, walked in the house with dirty feet and began to sniff the twins. But eventually failed at finding out who was who. . .

"Ohh God. . .Panda you're dirty!" Viet sighed. She looked at the twins for help.

"Okay then. . ." Yao said, walking to the bathroom.

"Come, Panda. We gotta wash you." Kiku dragged the dog by the red collar and followed Yao.

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><p>"Stop splashing, aru!" Yao's shirt was already wet at this moment. Kiku just laughed and kept washing the dog's back. Panda began to bark at Yao, who groaned in return.<p>

"Just stay still, damnit." Yao said, washing the ears of the golden retriever. Then Panda began to howl. "Shut up, aru!"

"Stop yelling, he has sore ears." Kiku said calmly. He then buried his face in the dog's neck, "Panda doesn't like taking a bath, does he?"

"You're so immature, aru." Yao rolled his eyes and sighed. Kiku just laughed and kissed Panda's head.

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><p>After washing Panda, their dad got home and wanted to listen to his sons playing music. Of course that left a huge bag of worry in Yao's stomach. His fingers hurt and his palms began to hurt too. Kiku on the other hand, was perfectly fine.<p>

Yao mumbled a few curses under his breath and massaged his hands. Kiku, the favorite child, was playing a flute version of 'River Flows In You'. Favorites. . . Viet patted Yao's head and held and arm around her son. Softly, but still strong enough to not let him get away. Are a mother's grip really that good? Yao bet that Kiku got those all the time. Maybe even softer.

"Good work, Kiku. Just finish your homework now." Thai said softly. A cloud of anger and envy were right above Yao's head at the moment, letting all the rain fall on him. Kiku smiled appreciably, making the cloud get darker, and ran up to his room. Yao, without getting noticed, followed his twin.

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><p>"Why do they like you so much, aru? I'm the oldest!" Yao said, smacking the door behind him and fell down to his bed. Kiku, who was sitting on his bed and scanning an English book, shrugged.<p>

"Don't act like you don't care, aru. I'm sick of it." Yao mumbled darkly, pulling a pillow over his head and holding it there for a while. Kiku just sighed.

"You're the immature one, Nee-san. I'm not any favorite child. Stop pretending that and please stop blaming me." Kiku said and frowned a bit. Yao just groaned, not wanting to listen. Kiku laid his books down and rose from the bed. The Chinese-Japanese sat down on his older brother's bed and hugged Yao tightly. Yao's eyes snapped open; he removed the crimson red pillow from his face and looked down at his brother.

"Aru?" Kiku snuggled his head up against Yao's chest, up to his throat and laid there for a while. He knew that Yao's weakness was not only Kiku's face, but also how he just snuggles up to someone when he's sorry. They don't need Panda, Kiku was already a dog. Yao sighed in defeat, growing angry at himself.

"Apology accepted, aru." Yao said, pouting slightly. Kiku smiled and got off Yao, but got pulled back in the bed and hugged tightly.

"Can't. . .breathe." Kiku mumbled, his face had already gotten red and he hid his eyes under his bangs. Yao just buried his nose in Kiku's hair and looked blankly out in the air.

After a moment of comfortable silence, both of them had gotten tired and wanted to sleep. But it was still afternoon so they kind of had to wait. They ate dinner, washed the dishes and finished their homework. Afterwards, when Yao got in bed, Kiku took half the space of Yao's bed.

"Ehh? Why aren't you in your own bed, aru?" Yao asked, turning around to look at Kiku.

"My bed is cold. . ." Kiku mumbled. Yao sighed and shifted side so he'd look at Kiku.

"Do you remember when he used to say 'my dearest brother' to each other every night when we went to bed?" Kiku asked. Yao nodded.

*"Yeah. Mom's friend from Sweden showed us that Swedish movie, aru. You began to cry, aru." Yao said, smiling a bit.

"I was good at Swedish." Kiku said, pouting a bit. "I also noticed our house is kinda like the house in the movie."

"How do you remember what it looked like, aru?"

"I just do." Kiku smiled. Yao sighed.

"It's sad that her sister died." Kiku didn't seem to have gotten out of that world. It was his favorite movie after all. . . "Promise you won't die."

Yao say Kiku's eyes getting wet, and soon enough tears streamed down from his brother's eyes. Yao pulled an arm around Kiku and hushed him.

"Don't worry, aru. I won't die." Yao said.

"Pr-promise?" Kiku asked between sobs.

"I promise, aru." Yao smiled at Kiku, then kissed his forehead, "My dearest brother."

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><p>It was 7:15, and the twins hadn't awoken. Or well, they just did.<p>

"Holy shit! Kiku wake up, we're late, aru!" Yao said, rushing out of the bed and threw some clothes on himself. Kiku rubbed his eyes before looking at the clock. He then ran out of the bed and hurried with taking clothes on.

"Shit shit shit shit shit, aru!" Yao was looking after his cell phone, a very important thing for teens. And it was like, a beating heart for Yao. Kiku rushed down to the kitchen and made some coffee, two pieces of toast and made it ready for their mom. It was Viet's birthday and they needed to hurry before she woke up. Yao ran down the stairs with the presents in his hands. He was wearing a plain white shirt and black jeans, but of course he'd take a leather jacket on later.

They walked in to their parents' room and began to sing, but still looking stressful. Viet looked at her sons and smiled warmly.

"Thanks, darlings." Viet said and hugged Kiku and Yao.

"Sorry mom, we gotta hurry, aru." Yao said, walking down the stairs again, perhaps trying to look after his cell phone. He took a glance over at the clock. 7:27.

"Kiku, we gotta hurry, aru!" Yao said, pulling a bag over his shoulders and ran out the door with Kiku following.

"Wait, Yao!" Yao stopped and turned around, Viet was running towards them with Yao's phone in her hand. Yao took it without saying anything, Viet just smiled. Kiku and Yao then continued running.

"Be nice. It's her birthday after all." Kiku said, running behind Yao. The bus was a few long meters away, so Yao just ran a little faster though he knew it'd wait.

A car began to come towards them, But before anything else happened, a scream was heard, afterwards a thump. Then papers falling. Yao stopped, and then he turned around slowly. The people at the bus were staring widely. Behind him was. . .A car.

Yong Soo was pale looking, staring out into nothing. And there, a few meters away, was Kiku lying lifeless on the ground.

"No. . .No no no. . .KIKU!"

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><p><strong>I hope you understand how Kiku and Yao are. One is loved by their parents and the other is popular in the school.<strong>

***=Their talking about a Swedish movie called "Allra käraste syster". I actually cried during that movie. They'll talk a bit more about the movie in future chapters.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay so. . .Kiku got hit by a car. Lol, did you think he was killed by Yao? No no no. . .**

**Anyway, enjoy~!**

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><p><strong>I miss you<strong>

**Chapter 3**

What happened? Where did it all go wrong? Why him?

Yao found himself staring with wide eyes at the body. His own brother. . .Yong Soo, on the other hand, had already begun to cry. Yap ignored it, but tears were on the making. He walked towards Kiku, but got stopped from a random man that touched his shoulder.

"Here. Let me drive you home." the man said, dragging Yao with him. Yao's sight was already blurry, and he didn't know if he should blink. Before anything else happened, Viet came out in dressing gown with her pajamas underneath. She ran towards Kiku and began to cry. The police had to separate them.

"He's my son! He's my son!" Viet said between loud sobs and cries. Yao felt his heart break by every cry.

He sat silently in the car, waiting to get back home. He took a glance out of the window with emotionless eyes. A woman, around 60, was looking over at the scene. That happened to Kiku. Yao felt anger build up in him.

"You old hag! Stop staring, stop staring stop staring, stop staring, aru!" Yao hit the windows angrily, glaring at the woman who ignored it.

"Sit down!" the man in front of him said. Yao continued glaring out, but sat down.

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><p>Yao must've passed out. Since he was in a seat on the hospital, next to a crying woman. Viet looked over at Yao after some time. Her face tried to be as it used to, motherly, warm and caring. But everything about her was broken. Viet hugged Yao tightly.<p>

"The doctors. . .S-said he w-wouldn't. . ." Viet said, before the sobs took over again. Yao pulled himself out from the hug and rose from the seat. His legs were numb, but he just wanted to get out. He walked out of the room, not daring to look back at were Kiku would be lying peacefully in a hospital bed.

As soon as Yao got a few rooms away, the tears streamed out from his eyes. He held a hand on his face so no one would notice. But it didn't work. Yao walked around in a white walled hospital with people watching. He ran into Yong Soo, who looked at Yao with bags under his eyes. Before anyone would say anything, Yao walked away from the Korean.

He wanted to get out. He would just go back to his bed and sleep. He wished this was a dream. . .

But instead, a doctor came to him with a phone.

"Hey, I think it's like, the best if you call your school and tell them you won't be there." Like if the 28 year old woman didn't care about what happened to Kiku, she handed Yao the phone and waited. Yao called the school after some time with the numbers.

"_Hello. St. Rome Vargas school, can I help you?_" a kind high pitched voice asked. It must've been Ivan's older sister.

"I-I'm Yao. Wang Yao, aru." Yao said, surprised by the broken tone in his voice. "Kiku and I can't come today, aru."

"_Are you ill?_" she asked. Yao thought for a moment before answering.

"No, I'm fine. It's Kiku, aru. He got driven over a car this morning, aru." Yao said. Then there was a dead silent moment.

"_. . .Is he okay?_" she asked with worry in her voice.

"No, aru. I think he's dead." Yao's voice broke down at the end, he took a deep breath to prevent the tears to come.

"_Well. . .I'll check you for today then._" she said, then she hung up. Of course it must've been surprising to hear one of your students say 'my sibling died and I'm in hospital' at 9am in the morning. Or maybe she didn't believe him. . . Yao gave the phone back to the lady, his eyes were swollen and there were no tears left.

* * *

><p>Yao decided to walk back to his mom. He took slow steps, since half of his body was numb and shaking. A man with glasses and dark hair was standing outside the room where Kiku and Viet were. He looked over at Yao. Yao looked back.<p>

Thai walked towards Yao and pulled him into a tight hug. They cried in several minutes without letting go of each other. But eventually they had to, the doctors said the bad news and they drove home. Without talking the whole way home.

That night, Yao slept in his parents' bed between them. On his left, Viet was sobbing in her sleep; to his right Thai was apparently having some sort of nightmare since he frowned.

Yao just stared into the ceiling. He was having one of those 'what if. . .' moments.

_What if it was me? Would they cry like this? What if we both died? What if. . ._

And it continued until the sun rose.

* * *

><p>The day went on with Yao staying at home, but Felikz called and went all 'I was worried! Why didn't you call?'. Yao was just silent, but told Felikz what happened.<p>

"I'm sorry, Yao." Felikz said and pulled his arms around Yao, trying to give comfort. "Hey, I know! I'll take you for a walk!" Having friends like Felikz was needed at times, of course he'd do anything to make Yao happy.

So, the Polish boy finally got Yao to come with him. They walked to the park. Yao was only shaking a little bit, but cold chills still ran down his spine. They walked past uncle Berwald's old house, Yao's attention was fully on that.

_"Ewwww! That's gross, Yao!"_

_"Haha! You're such a pussy, aru!"_

Flashbacks from when Kiku and Yao were younger ran through his mind, making Yao giggle a bit. He then started to laugh softly, which then turned to an unstoppable laugh.

"Hey, Yao!" Felikz slapped Yao to make him stop laughing like a psycho. Yao's eyes widened as he found himself back to reality.

"Sorry, aru." Yao mumbled. Felikz sighed. They didn't know that Ivan and Elizabetha were there.

"Ehh. . .Hey Yao!" Elizabetha said, wide eyed, "I-is Kiku okay?"

Elizabetha and Kiku were best friends since 5th grade. They both liked the same stuff and they always went on conventions together. Felikz and Yao on the other hand were just friends in a 'normal' way, a.k.a shopping together, talking about guys together and other things like that.

Yao just shook his head, causing the Hungarian girl to fall to her knees and cry. Ivan just stayed silent, perhaps heartbroken or maybe even dead inside.

Yao already wondered how the school would react. . .Would they have some 'R.I.P Kiku' day? No one really liked Kiku. Well, except his friends and family. And after all, if anyone would care that Kiku died it was only to get Yao's attention. They obviously felt pity. Pity was a feeling Yao hated.

Yao bit his lip and looked coldly at the other students which were on their way towards them.

* * *

><p>Yao got away from the crowd with questions and worried looks. He got home and walked up to his room carefully. He looked over at Kiku's part of the room; the clock above Kiku's bed was at 7:30. The time Kiku died. Yao looked away from it and looked around after anything else. He found himself standing in front of a mirror. But, who was in front of him? Was that. . .Kiku?<p>

The Chinese-Japanese began to smile and walked towards the mirror, but hit his head in the glass. He frowned, and saw it was just himself.

"You bastard, aru!" Yao kicked the mirror, feeling the tears come up again. The mirror got a few cracks. Yao jumped down to his bed and cried himself to sleep.

* * *

><p>Yao couldn't wake up, he didn't feel the urge to want to either. But then the sound of when Yong Soo's car drove over Kiku came. Then the papers which flied along the weak wind. Before he knew it, Kiku stood up from the ground and walked towards Yao. He was pale and got blood stains over him everywhere.<p>

_"I didn't want to die, Yao."_

"AAH!" Yao pulled himself up from the bed as his sweaty skin got greeted by the cold air. Soon, Viet and Thai came in and hugged their almost crying son.

"Shh shh, it's okay honey." Viet said.

"I-I saw him, aru. . ." Yao said. Even though it was a nightmare and got blamed for what happened, he already missed it.

"It's okay, honey. I see him too. He blames me too." Viet said and kissed her son's head.

* * *

><p>Yong Soo got a scissor and cut his driver's license, Arthur watched with wide eyes. He held the pieces in his hands tightly, making his hands bleed. He didn't stop until they cut so deep he maybe wouldn't get them out.<p>

"Yong Soo-" Yong Soo rose from his seat, dropped the pieces of bloody paper and walked out of the door. He ran all the way to his car, and pushed it. His hands hurt and everything was numb, but he pushed the car all the way to a cliff and pushed it down. When the car broke into pieces, Yong Soo stared into the cold morning mist.

* * *

><p>The morning after, Yao returned to school. Thai drove him to school. He got greeted by stares and silence. The psychologist, Ludwig, told him to come to his office. And so he did.<p>

"Ooh Yao. Hello." Ludwig said, looking up from his papers, "Are you okay?"

Yao just nodded.

"Well, I know that loss of a sibling is hard, I lost my brother when I was 9 but. . .If you want to talk, then just know I'm here." Yao didn't want to listen, he didn't even want that kind of comfort. Yao wasn't insane.

Yao just nodded and walked to English class. There were a lot of questions and stares given to him, making Yao angry. Then when school finally ended, Yao walked home. When he was at the bus stop, a chill ran down Yao's spine. The tears slowly build up in him and he ran the other way. Which actually was through a bush, just to avoid walking past that place.

* * *

><p>So, life continued like that. Yao didn't find strength for anything, not even the play Kiku started. Elzabetha had to take over. It's been a week since Kiku died and they had a funeral.<p>

Surprisingly, Viet decided to invite Arthur.

Yao sat next to his parents in black, looking at the white flower covered coffin with emotionless eyes. He never took his eyes off them, since he knew it was his brother that was lying there. The priest took a break from a useless psalm and let Arthur take over. Arthur was dressed in black too with dark bags under his eyes. He was unshaved and it looked like he really cared about Kiku.

"This is a song for Kiku." Arthur said slowly, holding his guitar tightly and whispered words into the microphone with a tearful voice.

The crowd was shocked of the song, but Yao understood. None wanted Kiku to die, and he understood that God must've been playing with everyone's feeling when he let Kiku die like that.

"I. . .Hate you. I miss you." Arthur continued, his voice got louder and then he began to hit the guitar. Arthur's feeling were overflowing, the guitar hit the ground and a silence came. Viet began to sob again. Arthur left the church without saying anything. Yao just sat there and looked.

* * *

><p>Yao had skipped a lot of days in school, and he was losing track. But no one really dared to blame him. But when he actually came to school he did his best to not cry or scream at anyone. Yao stopped saying 'aru' since he only did it for Kiku. Now Kiku was gone and all the others thought it was annoying. Yao noticed that a lot had changed. His friends saw him more and more often without clothes that he used to walk in, but he only wears plain colors, mostly grey. He also stopped using his cell phone. Only when he needed to call his parents, but that wasn't often.<p>

The Chinese-Japanese was walking home from school, but he stopped at the place where Kiku died around two months ago.

Yao looked at the place for a long time; the wind almost pushed him towards it. He slowly laid himself down where Kiku laid. In the same pose, at the same angle. Yao closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the smell of Kiku's old jacket was still there. And to be even scarier, the sound of papers came.

Yao opened his eyes when a dirty paper landed on Yao's hand. He looked at it. It was the drawing Kiku made of a heart. In the middle of the heart it said 'Yao'. Outside the heart, there were 'Yong Soo?', 'Arthur?' and 'Ivan?' on the edges of the paper.

Yao's heart shattered into a hundred pieces when he saw it.

* * *

><p>Yao ran up to his room without saying anything. He began to throw papers and books away from the desk and looked after Kiku's things. Nothing. Yao groaned. He couldn't even find his dead brother's diary. . .<p>

Yao sighed and laid the papers on the desk.

_"Help me, Yao."_ a voice said. It was so familiar it almost hurt. Yao turned around and his heart skipped a beat. There, was Kiku on the other side of the mirror, looking at his brother and held his hands up against the mirror.

* * *

><p><strong>Ooh lord. Yao is starting to see things. . .<strong>

**Well, lucky that Alfred will appear in next chapter! :3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Another angsty chapter. Well, the movie was a Swedish soap. It's all angst and emo-ness.**

* * *

><p><strong>I miss you<strong>

**Chapter 4**

"K-Kiku. . .?" Yao whispered slowly, not believing what he was seeing. Kiku nodded and smiled. The smile Yao missed. After such a time.

"_I want you to help me_." Yao gave his brother a questioning look.

"_The play. There's a lot of children dying right now, Yao._" Of course. . .Kiku had to return from death just to tell him about the children in Africa. Before Yao could replay, Kiku was gone and the mirror was just reflecting.

* * *

><p>Elizabetha was talking with Felikz, it was about something with how the music was going to play. They stopped talking when Yao walked in, having his hands in his pockets on the leather jacket.<p>

"Hey everyone." Yao said. The group looked at Yao, a bit wide eyed. Yao handed Elizabetha the CD of their song.

"We need to finish the practicing. Kiku wanted the play to be on Saturday." Yao smiled. Elizabetha blushed a bit and nodded.

* * *

><p>The crowd was silent under the entire play; Yao had to do Kiku's part. But no one saw difference anyway.<p>

When the play was over, the crowd was almost making Yao deaf. But the wide smile on his lips didn't show it.

"This is a play made by Kiku Wang, who died a month ago. We're finishing this play up for him." Elizabetha said, not wanting to cry, but her eyes were already red. Yao looked gratefully over at the girl. She indeed missed him.

* * *

><p>"Hey, you must be Yao Wang right?" a man, around 40 asked. Yao nodded, almost blushing because of his messed up hair and dirty clothes. The man handed him a paper.<p>

"I was watching your play, it was truly great. I was thinking if you'd spend your summer at the Theatre camp. Does it sound interesting?" The man's lips were too fast, but somehow Yao managed to hear clearly. Yao took the paper and looked at it.

When he looked back up to answer the man, he was already gone.

"Weird one. . ." Yao mumbled. The cast of the play walked over to Yao and hugged him, congratulated him and so on for the great acting. Well, it was true that Kiku and Yao had something for acting. Kiku always wanted to be in Broadway and play in Wicked. Yao wanted to be in a movie and become a Hollywood star.

* * *

><p>The Chinese-Japanese boy was just running through the mail since his parents were busy. The biggest one was a yellow paper with the letters in caps 'TO YAO WANG'. Yao looked around to see if his parents were there, then he looked back at the paper and opened it.<p>

It was a registration form for the camp the man talked about a few days ago. Yao's eyes widened. So it wasn't a guy on crack. . . It was for a movie from Kiku's favorite movie 'Allra käraste syster'. Underneath the title it said 'Lonely twin'. Yao began to read. The Registration again.

It said that he turned himself in. But he didn't even know about this. . .It must've been Kiku! Yao looked over at the mirror to find Kiku smiling.

Yao felt his hear warm up a bit. Kiku knew Yao wanted this more than anything. Yao laid the papers down, took a pen and began to write.

* * *

><p>Summer was coming fast, and they had to do a lot. Yao was currently fixing Kiku's things.<p>

"Hey Kiku, I'm just going through your things, but that's okay right? You know, I have to change too." Yao said. He looked over at the mirror. Kiku was looking kind of worried, or a 'No, don't do that, Yao' look. But it seemed like he couldn't talk.

Yao returned to Kiku's things He laid a lot of school papers into a box, a few clothes he knew Kiku had destroyed and other things. But the paper of the poorly draw heart was kept.

And when the camp started and school ended, Yao took the papers with him. He was very silent under the whole camp. And they were put in a small island, very nature-ish and cute. But he had noticed that a dirty blond guy with sea blue eyes, kind of hot for Yao's taste, was looking at him. Well, most of the time.

Every night at the camp, Yao looked at the paper Kiku made and cried a bit. But he noticed that he was becoming better.

So, one of the camp leaders decided to make an 'act-duel' were two people had to act, and the one that did the best would win. But the price was air to Yao.

"Yao, why don't you show what you got against Alfred?" The camp leader asked, the dirty blond guy, or Alfred, looked over at the Chinese-Japanese. Yao rose from the ground where he had been sitting on his jacket. The camp leader handed Yao a few lines that he'd say out loud while acting. Yao reread the papers until Alfred had finished reading his. Then they started.

*"Clam down, Frida. There's nothing wrong with this place." Alfred began, putting up a really good act. He must've been American, judging by the accent. It was humiliating that the roles were meant for girls and both of them were guys. Yao snapped back to reality and continued. He began to shiver lightly.

"T-there is." Yao bit his lip to hold back the 'aru'. For some reason Alfred made him nervous and made Yao want to go back in time. "E-everything's wrong! No one knows me and I don't wanna stay, aru-" Yao held his mouth when the 'aru' got out. His eyes were water filled and was ready to cry, but nothing happened.

"Okay, that was a bit too powerful. . ." the camp leader said and patted Yao's back, allowing him to sit down again. Yao swallowed a sob and sat down.

Alfred studied the Chinese-Japanese closely before returning to his own seat.

* * *

><p>The camp was taking a walk around the place. Yao was the last person since he knew he wouldn't fit in. He used to be a really talk active person and would surely be the popular one, but he didn't feel the courage.<p>

"Hey! Yao, right?" Someone said. Yao turned around to see Alfred walking beside him. The green nature behind him made the sea blue eyes jump out. The glasses didn't help for that matter.

"Yeah. . ." Yao mumbled slowly, trying not to get lost in his eyes. Alfred smirked.

"Did I say it right?" Yao found the American's voice annoying already, but instead of frowning he just nodded.

"So, I've been thinking. . .Your acting it really good. But I think you overreact a bit." Alfred said, offending Yao. With that annoying voice. This time Yao frowned and pouted at once.

"Well, Mr. Obivious, can you give me a better example of how I should do things then?" Yao asked, his tone was showing annoyance. The American's smirk grew.

"Well, I must admit those 'aru's of yours are cute, but they make a soap into comedy. Is it something with your accent? You're Chinese, right?" And then it continued. . .Yao blushed and defended himself, but Alfred continued with the questions. Eventually, the American had that kind of charm that made Yao like him.

* * *

><p>Yao and Alfred were sitting on the wet sand on the beach, bathing their feet at the water coming towards them. It was cold, but relaxing. And it was needed since Alfred continued with the babbling.<p>

"And if you didn't notice, I've been watching you for a while. . ." Yao knew that already, he had his eyes closed and listened to the water though Alfred's voice came in a few times. ". . .Because you seem like a cool person and. . .I like you."

Wait. What? Yao opened his eyes as a feeling of uncomfortable warmness filled him. He glanced over at Alfred, who looked back at him.

"You're kidding, right?" Yao asked, almost scared. Alfred shook his head. Well, this was a chance for Yao to finally get some of his old himself back. So he grabbed it and held it tightly. Yao moved closer to Alfred. He sat on the American's lap and could feel the breath of Alfred cooling down his skin.

Yao met Alfred's lips slowly, but broke the touch soon after. Alfred looked at Yao with wide eyes.

"I need to tell you something." Yao said.

* * *

><p>"So. . .You have a brother?" Yao nodded.<p>

"A dead brother?" Yao nodded again.

"Ooh yeah, I heard it on the news, an Asian 14 year old got driven over by a car, and the picture kinda looked like you. Just with darker eyes." Alfred said, putting a finger on his lips and looked up at the sky.

"I've heard that people can go insane if someone from their family dies. Has anyone in your family gotten in therapy of anything?" Alfred asked. Yao didn't want to tell him about his mother started to smoke again and about the offer Ludwig gave him. So instead he shook his head.

Voices in his head were running around and made Yao want to tear his hair off. But he stopped breathing and fell to the ground.

"Hey! Yao!" Alfred tried to wake him up. By doing the mouth to mouth method and everything between. Yao eventually woke up, smacking the American's cheek.

"Do you get those panic attacks often?" Alfred asked.

"It's wasn't a panic attack." Yao said when he found courage to speak.

"I heard that one egg twins can die if their sibling is dead too." Alfred said. Yao his frowned.

"That's just old folk tales." Yao said simply.

"No, it's true! It was like a few years ago-"

* * *

><p>Somehow, Alfred managed to get Yao into a relationship with him. That damned charm. . . It was a bit humiliating, but he found girls glaring of jealousy at Yao. It gave him a bit of his pride back. And it made Yao want to cling onto Alfred more.<p>

"Let's sing the camp fire song song!" Antonio, a Spanish guitarist which knew Alfred from long ago, said. Half of the group groaned, when the rest just laughed. Well, they were at a camp fire. The bugs were eating them alive and the marshmallows were sticky and gross.

Alfred smirked a bit. He rose and pulled Yao with him. They were walking away from the group, without getting noticed. Then they got away from the group so they would hear them or see them, Alfred laid his jacket on the ground to let them sit on.

"Look at the stars!" Alfred said, pointing at the white shining dots all over the dark sky that looked like blankets. "They're showing!"

Yao knew that Alfred had lived in the city all his life. It was normal for the Chinese-Japanese to see it, but not for Alfred. He was like a nine year old looking at roller coasters. Yao smiled a bit. Alfred warped his arms around Yao and buried his face in the other's shoulder. Yao blushed a bit as Alfred's hot breath was brushing his skin. Yao held Alfred's hear with his hands and kissed his nose softly, making the American's hold around the smaller get tighter.

Alfred moved Yao's head a bit so their lips would meet. The kiss was soft, but slowly Alfred kissed deeper and deeper. The American held his hand on the back of the other's head so Yao wouldn't break it. But eventually Yao needed to breathe.

After three minutes of taking air, Yao buried his face into the American's shoulder and closed his eyes. He felt Alfred's hand running up and down on Yao's back, making it warmer. Yao sighed softly. But his eyes snapped open when he found himself getting out of line. Alfred held him there so Yao wouldn't escape. It was getting a bit uncomfortable for Yao. He hadn't been hugged or at least touched for that long. Kiku only dared to warp an arm around him for five minutes until Yao kicked him away.  
>"What's wrong, babe?" Yao wanted to punch him in the stomach when Alfred said that, but decided to be against it.<p>

"Nothing." Yao said slowly, avoiding to look at the American.

"Y'know, you sounded way cuter when you said 'aru'." There went the line. Alfred got punched right in the ribs.

* * *

><p>The summer was almost over and Yao had finished packing his bags to return home. The camp leaders said he was a good kid and would have a great future as an actor yadda yadda yadda. Yao actually didn't care about that anymore. After meeting Alfred his mind was just set on that kid. It felt weird since Alfred was two years older.<p>

And even more weird since they lived far away from each other. Like, really far. How would Yao survive? Okay, a bit too sarcastic, ehh.

Alfred walked into the dining room and held his hands on Yao's eyes.

"Guess what? There's butterflies everywhere!" Alfred said, smiling brightly. Yao wanted to facepalm, but that was kinda impossible with two big fat American hands on his eyes. Alfred pulled Yao with him to the porch and pointed at all the insects flying around. It wasn't that impressive. . .But then again, Alfred was from the city.

Alfred walked down to chase some of them. Yao was so tempted to film it. . . Alfred returned with a black butterfly with orange and white patterns on. Or white with black and orange patterns.

He took Yao's hand and laid the butterfly on it. Yao knew how a butterfly felt. It was like small things on your fingertips that almost glued you. Kiku pushed him into a butterfly farm once. . .

The butterfly began to fly away and Yao felt the need to chase it. Though he didn't make a big deal out of it like Alfred did. . . Once he got the butterfly back he half glared over at the American. Who just smirked like a devil. Yao let the butterfly go again, and then he walked to the porch and inside. The sunset made everything look warm, but the weather was like a Swedish winter.

* * *

><p>"You'll call, right?" Yao asked, Alfred nodded. They were having their final hug until their parents had to tear them apart. Thai dragged Yao to the car and without glancing over at Alfred. Under the whole ride home, Yao held his hands against the window and looked the way he was driving away from.<p>

* * *

><p>Every day Yao called Alfred. At 8 am in the morning, 12 am and 6 pm. But Alfred never answered. It made him a bit worried. . .<p>

Yao was walking to his locker to get his Literature books and his phone. He began to text Alfred.

"Hey, Yao." a child-like voice said. Ivan was looking at Yao, not the phone. Yao knew Ivan was very polite about privacy, and that was one of the few things people liked about him.

"Hmm?" Yao didn't look up from his cell phone.

"I. . .I was thinking if you wanted to go on a da-"

"Sorry, Ivan. Maybe some other time." Yao said and put his phone down in his pocket. He locked the locker and walked away. Ivan stayed still for a moment before walking to his class too.

* * *

><p>"Hey did you like, just totally ditch Ivan?" Felikz asked. The gossip master of the school was on the run. . .<p>

"Maybe I did. So?" Yao asked. Felikz, instead of looking amused, held a hand over his mouth.

"How could you? He just confessed to you and y-"

"I'm already with someone." Yao said simply, not wanting to listen to Felikz' sassy ideas.

"Who?" The Polish boy hid a smirk behind his hand.

"Alfred. He's so cuuute~!" Yao found himself smiling and blushing at once. This was so 'sassy'. Felikz eventually forgave him and began to ask questions.

* * *

><p>Yao knew that the phone connection must've been weird, so he got on Messenger and began to text him.<p>

Yao looked at the computer screen for twenty minutes without blinking. Or well, he did close them maybe once or twice. . .

Yao heard a car coming. He ran out of his room and down the stairs.

When he got outside, he saw Arthur walking towards him.

"Hey." Arthur said. Yao didn't reply. What if Alfred finally did reply and Yao would miss it?

"I was thinking. . ."

"What?" Yao glared coldly at him.

". . .if you wanted to 'help' with this album-"

"No." Yao crossed his arms. Arthur sighed and took a step closer to him. Yao could almost feel the Brit's breath.

"Listen, Yong Soo has tried several suicide attempts. All I need is you coming to the studio with your violin and ready to play. I'm not asking." There was a dark aura around Arthur that sent shivers down Yao's spine.

"I'll come back in two days." Arthur turned around and walked into his car. Then he drove away.

* * *

><p>Yao looked at his pale hands. Then to his screen. Then back to his hands. First of all, how did Arthur know Yao played the violin? Was he some kind of stalker?<p>

Secondly; Why would Yong Soo kill himself? Yao thought he had too much pride for that. Yao sighed and closed the computer screen. He took the violin and began to play a few slow notes. Then he played them again. And again. And again.

* * *

><p><strong>*=Another part from the movie "Allra käraste syster".<strong>

**So. . .Now I need to start writing. If I made you sad, don't worry! There's S.A.P coming soon! :3**


	5. Chapter 5

**I forgot to update this story. . . I'm sorry. ''OTL**

**It's finished and next chapter will be the last. I skipped a lot to finish it. And since this doesn't have the most important story-line in the world, I think skipping some unneeded parts is okay.**

**I think Rawkie stopped betaing. Well, I understand since I'm like a piece of dirt or dirty slang when it comes to the English grammar xD**

* * *

><p><strong>I miss you<strong>

**Chapter 5**

The Chinese-Japanese was sleeping like a rock with the violin in his arms. A word document was open on the laptop. It was wide open for anyone to read. Yao moaned loudly as he opened is eyes. He looked over at the clock. It was 3am. He frowned. He was still wearing the dark stripped long sleeved shirt and the dark jeans. Yao groaned and burried his head against the pillow.

But after a few minutes of not being able to retur nto sleep, Yao rose from the bed and looked around the room. The broken mirror was untouched. The watch above Kiku's bed was still on 7.30. And the laptop was on. Yao took the warm object up to his lap, almost burning his fingers of the warmth. He blinked a few times before his eyes had gotten used to the bright light. When they well did, he looked at the computer screen.

_'I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, Kiku.'_

Yao closed the laptop and took the wiers out of it in only a few seconds. The feeling of guilt returned and he just jumped back to bed. The violin was already laying on the night stand.

* * *

><p>When Yao got back from school a few weeks later, he got a letter from the camp he was on. He felt his heart skip a beat when he thought back to Alfred.<p>

"Mom, I'll be going!" Yao said and hurried with taking his shoes on.

"Honey, the camp reunion is in two weeks." Viet said. Yao wanted to hit himself at that point, but instead he took his shoes off and ran up to his room to text Alfred.

* * *

><p>Yao's fingers were hidden in the band aids since he played so much violin lately. He didn't know if he felt good or bad about this. Arthur said he'd come back. But what if he would force Yao if he didn't want to?<p>

Well, he actually already did. . .

Yao walked out of the door and waited for Arthur's car to come. It took about ten minutes of Yao's life. Ten minutes he could've used to talk to Alfred, if he now wanted to answer.

"Hey." Arthur got Yao out of his thoughts. The Chinese-Japanese looked up at the blond who looked back blankly.

"So, you're going to play?" Yao nodded, not finding words to say anything with. Arthur nodded, the looked at the other way.

"Get the violin. Now."

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><p>Yao looked at the band members, then back at his violin. He was in a room where a microphone was sdnaing alone. He held his violin up to his neck and shoulder and looked at Arthur, who was on the other side of a glass wall and had an editor next to him. The blond nodded for Yao to begin.<p>

The music began to play then Arthur's voice came in. Yao waited for the second chours to begin. He played along with the song, but the sound of Kiku's fluet following Yao was bothering Yao's mind a bit. He stopped. The music did as well.

"_What's wrong?_" Arthur asked to a microphone that Yao would hear in the room.

"I heard Kiku." Arthur frowned a bit. Yao swallowed, "Kiku used to play the fluet. I hear it."

"Then play along with him." Arthur said, understand completly. Yao nodded as the music started again. He played again, with Kiku following softly. But slowly the fluet stooped playing and Yao was playing all alone. But in perfect tune.

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><p>After being proud about his good work in the studio, Yao walked to the reunion with a smiling face. He looked around to see Antonio waving a free hand over at him, Yao waved back. The room was filled with people from the camp, but there were some Yao didn't know.<p>

Yao started his search for Alfred. He looked at every side of the room, behind every person and under ever table. No Alfred. Was he on vacation? Butt hen Yao saw him. He was sitting on a chair and drinking some water.

"Hi, Alfred." Yao walked over to the American and smiled. Alfred looked up at Yao as his face fell.

"Hi. . . Yao." Alfred answered slowly.

"What's wrong? You haven't answered my calls or anythi-"

"I. . .missed you too." Alfred cut Yao off. Yao looked at Alfred with a questioning look.

"Ahem, I think I need to go-"

"But we just got back to each other!" Yao held Alfred back on the chair. A blond girl with tons of make up came in and glared at Yao.

"Uhmm. . .Yao, this is Emelie." Alfred scratched the back of his head. Yao looked at Emelie, then to Alfred.

"Who is she?" Yao asked.

"I'm his girlfriend." Emelie answered blankly, her face saying 'Get your dirty paws of my man'.

". . ." Yao waited for Alfred to explain. He ignored the girl. "What?"

"You see. . ." Alfred noticed Yao's cold glare turned into a killing glare. Like if he wanted to rip the American in pieces. But he looked clam to Emelie. "You knoe, the 'thing' we had was more like a summer romance. Get me?"

Yao began to look a bit disgusted at him, like something Kiku would do. He looked around the room to see if more people would come in, then back at Alfred.

"You told me we'd stay together forever." Yao said, almost coldly. "Well, good enough. You can't last more than a half minute anyway."

Yao walked away from the room with a satisfied smile, but inside everything was breaking into pieces.

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><p>He deleted Alfred from his phone, from Messenger and everything that would make him have contact him the American.<p>

He looked at the white ceiling. It was a Friday night and he had nothing to do. He used to drink himself wasted and get Kiku to help him get back on his feet. A lot had changed since then. . .

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><p>Yao rose from the bed and looked over at the mirror. He felt a sudden want to hold his hands up against the glass. Yao walked towards the mirror and held his hands up. His fingeres got cold by the mirror, but a small warmth from the other side was felt. Kiku smiled up at him, Yao smiled back. Without a word, Yao started the 'twin dance' and Kiku followed. He spinned arounf faster and faster, because he knew he'd get to see Kiku sooner and sooner when he turned around. He just didn't notice his hand hit the mirror stronger by ever spin.<p>

Eventually, he heard crack coming from the mirror. Yao turned around, looking at Kiku with a worried look. But Kiku was gone. The mirror got crack everywhere, even by the smalled touch, it'd maybe break.

"Kiku?" Yao looked at the mirror, he pushed himself up against the mirror, making it shatter into a million pieces. "Kiku!"

Viet and Thai, who seemed to have heard the mirror and Yao, ran up to his room and comforted Yao. Viet held her arms around her son and Thai glared at the mirror. Yao was shaking and tears were in the making.

Was it first now he knew Kiku was really gone?

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><p><strong>Short chapter is short. Nearing the end. Amechu gone. <strong>**Happy? ;A;**

**Thanks for reading~!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Last chapter~! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, liked and subscribed to the story~!**

**Hopefully the angst isn't killing your mood. . .**

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><p><strong>I miss you<strong>

**Chapter 6**

Yao had begun to skip school more and more. He didn't have energy to think, and he couldn't move his legs from the bed.

He had tried to call the school several times to tell them he couldn't make it, but was too tired. He felt the urge to smoke again, and that was one of the few things that his body could handle.

That's why he went to see Ludwig. After a lot of thining and cigaretters, he decided to walk to Ludwig's office and talk. They had a meeting at the park near the soccer field as soon as the snow falled.

Yao wore a read scarf and warm jacket so the weather wouldnt affect him. So did Ludwig. Yao sat down on a bench where Ludwig sat on the opposite side.

"Okay, Yao. I want you to repeat what I'm saying." Ludwig said. Yao nodded, not really wanting to answer.

"I miss my brother. . ." Ludwig began, talking in a serious tone like if he had no feeling.

"I miss my brother. . ." Yao repeated slowly.

"I love him. . ."

"I love him. . ."

"But I cannot forgive him because. . ." Ludwig said and waited for Yao to repeat.

"But I cannot forgive him because. . ." Yao said, feeling the tears come. He began to sob, "Because he left so easily!"

Yao began to cry and held his head between his hands, trying not to get Kiku's voice that begged for forgiveness in. But instead a voice of hatred from his brother came in.

"I-I didn't want to die! I didn't want to die either!" Yao sobbed, trying to protect himself from Kiku's threating. The illusion was stronger this time, Yao never got _this_ tearfilled by Kiku's voice before.

"There you go, Yao. Tell him." Ludwig said, not turning around. Like if he also went through this when he older brother died.

"K-Kiku. . .I'm sorry!" Yao's voice got louder by every word. He started to shake when the voice stopped sounding. The German man was listening to the Chinese-Japanese student's cries for atleast twenty more minutes.

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><p>Yao looked at the newly buyed mirror and smiled. He poked it and turned it head from side to side. After the meeting with the psychologist, Lugwid got him mental help. Yao had to get drugged for a week so he'd move on. He then also got taken care of by the doctors and his parents visited him every day. They stayed for atleast five hours.<p>

Now he was back home and his room got redecorated. His walls were red now, his bed was white and his had a wide mirror on the left side. He had all his school things on a new bookshelf and nothing from his old room was back.

"Hey, Yao! We hav-" Yao turned around to see Felikz and Ivan standing by the door frame. Felikz got shut by Ivan who walked towards Yao and smirked.

"Little sunflower is ready to get down now, yes?" Ivan used a funny accent to cheer Yao up with. Yao laughed and hugged Ivan. They were still friends, but now more like best friends. Ever since Alfred, Yao stayed single.

The trio walked down the stairs to see Panda, Viet, Thai, Lien and all the other guests here. The music was on, playing the song Yao's violin featured in. Arthur was on a tour and couldn't come, though.

Elizabetha walked in, hugged Yao thightly and kissed him on the cheek. They were still friends too. Elizabetha began to date a new guy who started the school, but still kept her immature jokes and all those things an Elizabetha did.

"He's here." Elizabetha said to Yao. The Chinese-Japanese didn't get it at first, but soon understood and walked out of the door.

He ran towards the newly parked car, where a man walked out. Yong Soo looked at Yao with hurting eyes. Yao stopped smiling for a moment, but didn't want to look like he couldn't forgive him. Yao went up to the Korean and looked him in the eyes.

"Hi." Yao said.

"Hey. . ." Yong Soo said, already sounding awkward. After a moment of silence, Yao opened his mouth again.

"It's okay." Yong Soo looked at Yao with surprise.

"Kiku and I didn't look were we were going and you had no chance to see us." Yao said, feeling Kiku behind him already. The illusion should've dissapeared by now, but Yao enver wanted to leave it. Yong Soo's swollen eyes were filled with water and soon tears fell. He held a hand up to his eyes and sobbed.

"I'm so sorry." Yong Soo said after finally getting air. Yao held Kiku's hand which was now on his shoulder.

"Kiku says it's okay." Yao smiled. He comforted the Korean and then they walked in again. Yong Soo got surprised by so many people who where happy to see him.

"You should come more often!" Thai said with a wide smile.

"I already miss all those extra dishes I had to do when you visited, Yong Soo!" Viet said. Yao just smiled. The happy ending would arrive anytime now.

But it never did. Everything was an illuson in Yao's mind. The drug that ran in his blood would never leave. If he never got the drug, nothing of this would happen. But he didn't care, he came back to his child-self. Without Kiku.

Well, if a part of you died, what would you do? If something that meant a lot to you got lost, what would you to? Yao didn't know what to do either, since he wasn't prepared. But now he was in this life and had it great. Without Kiku.

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><p><strong>Yao, you lost your sanity and your chance of getting love. <strong>

**Then again, it was partly my fault. . . ''OTL**

**So, any thoughts about it? I think the ending was a bit too cheesy so I added the psycho part at the end.**

**Yeah.**


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